Gained :'(

So I didn't lose any weight, I actually gained a bit. But fuck it. It was probably just water weight anyway. I didn't eat anything all day yesterday until late at night. But it was just a little. Took laxatives earlier in the day so I didn't have to purge dinner. I've realized that I miss self harming and that I am thinking about starting it again. I honestly don't care what everyone else around me thinks. My ED is bad enough, so why not add something on top of that? I used to self harm a lot when I was a bit younger, and I miss that feeling of the blade to my arms. I also realized something else. I need more time with friends. I have this one friend, we'll call him S. He has been a good friend for quite some while but life has got in the way of our friendship for years, and now lately we have been hanging out a little bit, and I'm really enjoying it. I just want him as a friend. Nothing more. Never have. I just enjoy our friendship. It's really fun and pretty awkward lol. I love it. Alright, I have nothing left to say.
xx